Frank Gelett Burgess - Maxims of Methuselah

Being the Advice given by the Patriarch in his Nine Hundred Sixty and Ninth Year to his Great Grandson at Shem's Coming of Age, in Regard to Women.

The following is, so far as I know, the only authentic rendering into the English language of the three hundred and thirty parables attributed to Methuselah.... Of its origin, the book, although freely rendered into the idiom of the hour, still bears intrinsic evidence of having been compiled by one who had had extraordinary experience with women. The amorous expert will not find it hard to believe that 969 years would be none too short a time for any one man to have accumulated such a profound lore. Indeed, women tell us that the present span of life is entirely too brief for any ordinary man to obtain the slightest comprehension of the extreme complexity of feminine psychology. (Summary from the introduction)